Happy Hump Day.
Oh glorious Hump Day! It’s nearing the Hump Hour, too, which is doubly exciting. Except, I dare say, Hump Day isn’t really all it’s cracked up to be. Allow me to explain
Like climbing a mountain. If you look at a mountain climb in terms of the distance covered, it’ll look something like this:
But if you look at it in terms of time spent hiking, it’ll look something like this:
So you see! Hump Day is misleading. Wednesday is not the hump. On Wednesday, I am still feeling the crushing depression of a soulless career, the teeth-clenching, raging helplessness at the prospect of a wasted life. It is only on Thursday that I see the glorious view of a weekend unfettered by the dark clouds of oppressive desk-slavery!
Thus, it is clear what we must do. We must abolish the term Hump Day. It is a misleading, depressing term that to me still says “only… 8 more hours to get to the top…”, with that mountain peak still looming sharply overhead. In place of this lie, we will invoke those words that truly inspire us to weep with the joy at the few hours of freedom afforded to us, to hereafter define Thursdays as… The Weekly Zenith.
Hump Day. Who came up with that? Obviously a fool. Hump is another thing altogether. It is a slang term denoting the act of copulation, although much to my dismay, the word doesn’t appear as a synonym in the dictionary. To me it also implies cuteness, perhaps more suited to representing the reproductive act when undertaken by bunny rabbits. Nevertheless, it is certainly not a suitable synonym for Wednesdays, perhaps the most tedious and pointless of all the seven.
Humping implies fun, and optimism, and a healthy supply of snacks. Wednesdays implies looming deadlines, end-of-week status updates, and boring packed lunches. To be rid of this work day would improve our situation greatly.
That, my friends, is my contribution to today.
Happy Zenith’s Eve.
Say my name,