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Oh my god! I'm updating my website! Happy Hump Day!

Seriously, I know it's been way too long. But I've been working hard, and had to re-prioritize a bit. I'm sorry.

I've been working out a lot too. And trying to eat a lot more healthy. This has meant an increase in vegetable intake. Typically I eat a big assed plate of raw veggies with dinner now. One of the veggies I enjoy is cauliflower.

Now, you might not know much about the lowly cauliflower, and that's ok. Because I'm going to educate you.

For one, Cauliflowers are the most nutritious vegetable you can eat raw. Here is the sweetest nutrition website I've seen (props Fran) where you can see that Cauliflower is clearly in the ass-kicking zones of the nutriments charts.

With that many delicious nutriments, you might think Cauliflower is perfect for human consumption. But this is wrong, dear reader. Because the lowly Cauliflower is what I call The Armadillo of the Vegetable World. And I think you'll agree that armadillos are not perfect for consumption by tigers, which is obviously the most analogous animal comparison. And if you can't get at those delicious nutriments, then they aren't doing you much good, are they?

It's obvious from that photo that armadillos are the cauliflowers of the animal world. But why? Why is that? Let me explain...

Because, dear reader, have you ever tried to open a cauliflower with your bare hands? It's impossible. Oh sure, you can break off a few of the green bits, but then leave these bamboo-shoot stumps that you need a wood chipper to get through. And you think you can break into the white part? No. There's no seams. It's impossible. It's like trying to tear a damned baseball apart with your bare hands.

Unlike carrots, or peas, or even broccoli, whose lush fronds wave tantalizingly like the canopy of a forbidden jungle, inviting ... nay, begging you to break off a succulent stem for healthy eating, the cauliflower stares you in the face and says: "Punt me. But do not eat me."

Speaking of tigers, you perhaps have not seen this incredibly awesome video, which you must watch immediately:

And then read this!! Joymala the Kizangara heroine!. And I quote:

"As the tigress landed on the ground Joymala quickly pinned her down with her left fore foot and tried to control it with its trunk."

And...

"Meanwhile, Joymala, which was trying to aggressively chase the tigress..."

Joymala the battle elephant obviously pwns tigers like it ain't a thing.

Here's a sweet video of some elephants owning some dumb girl whose incessant high pitched squeaking North American voice make me want to stab rough hewn ivory tusks in my eye:

African Elephants Attack

This comment killed me:

Wegmans88: This is like the african blair witch project

And on a note related only by suffering:

Aaaaaaahahah: Heavy Bag Won't Stop a Knockout... the guy's look (and his buddy's laugh) kills me.

This video is amazingly awesome, and just made me love Australia even more. Except the really hot girl didn't get off... (sad face)
Super Slow Motion.

I can't top that. No one can top that. I'm going to bed. Until next time! (month? haha.)

Mitch out.

PS: - Mitch, 2009-04-21, 23:30:19 That video is safe for work!

Tim, 2009-04-22, 11:17:31 I love that the guy totally missed the bag and connected a right hook right to his buddies face.

No dude. - Mitch, 2009-04-22, 23:42:03 I'm pretty sure the dude who got knocked out was saying he was gonna block the shot with the bag... and the puncher guy was like "uh... and if I hit you, it's by accident, right?" and the guy's like "yeah, by accident!" DOOOF.

Tim, 2009-04-27, 08:42:51 FYI I'm pretty sure broccoli kills cauliflower ... check it.

You've gotta love aussies - Mike, 2009-05-22, 00:42:37 It was a glock 9. It was awesome http://news.ninemsn.com.au/technology/815911/shooting-witness-becomes-internet-celebrity